


The Idiot's Guide to Gorgon

by viveriveniversumvivusvici55



Series: The Care and Keeping of Moronsexuals [4]
Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Anarchist Dumbass, Established Relationship, Himbo, M/M, Morosexual, Peril on Gorgon DLC, Spoilers for Peril on Gorgon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viveriveniversumvivusvici55/pseuds/viveriveniversumvivusvici55
Summary: “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” – attributed to Albert EinsteinMax accompanies the man he loves on yet another stupid adventure. Granted, he loves the man because he’s stupid, but that doesn’t mean he has a death wish.
Relationships: Male Captain/Maximillian DeSoto, The Captain/Maximillian DeSoto
Series: The Care and Keeping of Moronsexuals [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728808
Kudos: 7





	The Idiot's Guide to Gorgon

**Author's Note:**

> I AM BACK ON MY OUTER WORLDS BULLSHIT! I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
> 
> I will be writing this as I play. Again, if you did not read the tags, heavy spoilers ahead for the DLC.

“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.” – Oscar Wilde

Max notes to himself that Teagan Hawthorn has three qualities that, in conjunction, make for chaos. One is, of course, his stupidity. He can go on at great length as to how stupid Teagan is. Teagan acts before he thinks and lets his mouth run before his brain catches up. Even when his brain _does_ catch up, he has difficulty grasping subtlety and nuance, or any word too big. Thank the stars that Teagan knows most of the time when he should hand a job off to someone more skilled, or they would be in a lot more trouble. In short, Teagan Hawthorn is an idiot, and that makes for both bad decisions and bad perceptions of him.

The second is his kindness, his willingness to help. What Teagan’s brain lacks, he makes up for with his heart. He welcomes everyone to his side and finds the good in almost everyone (Max has seen that process first hand). He offers a helping hand before he points his gun – a dangerous practice in Halcyon, but that’s where the low intelligence comes in – and he has a soft spot for the downtrodden. In retrospect, he’s the perfect person for an anarchist to enlist. Not smart enough to question the logic of the position, and with a heart so big that he can’t help but help.

The third is his curiosity. Teagan has, despite his low intelligence, a desire to answer questions. He may not understand the answers he gets, but he loves to get an answer. He will go to places no one else will go to get those answers. He will do things no sane person would do to get those answers. That he is capable enough to _survive_ getting those answers (and that there are enough people behind him to make sure he lives) just makes him more certain that he could survive another dangerous circumstance. It’s endearing, that curiosity. It’s part of what draws Max to him. A drive to seek, just like him.

Combine the three, and that means Teagan would set foot on the sun if he believed there to be both someone in need and a cold spot to land, and would call it an adventure.

And so, here they are, heading off to yet another asteroid in search of answers. Granted, the answers they seek now are not the result of a crisis of faith, but are instead due to a severed arm and a portable phonograph mailed to the late Alex Hawthorn. That would put a normal person off. Max was nearly put off, seeing the bloody thing resting on the table (where they _ate breakfast, Teagan, at least put something **under it**_ ), but

“We haven’t been to Scylla since we last came here seeking enlightenment,” Max notes absently as ADA grinds the Unreliable to a halt. “We do things like this far too often.”

“Yeah, this sounds like our date all over again,” Teagan smiles as he rolls out of bed, naked as the day he was born. He stretches, long lean body on display for Max and anyone who dares look through the big window to see. “Though I’d rather not get high and puke in a corner again.”

Max admires the view before the words settle in his brain. “It was not a date, Teagan,” Max says with a fond sigh, rolling his eyes.

“What do you mean?” Teagan looks perplexed, pausing as he hauls on his trousers, fabric wrapped around his knees. “It was definitely a date.”

“Teagan. We went to a dubious hermit on an abandoned asteroid in pursuit of enlightenment, wherein we both got high off our tits on hallucinogens, I underwent a crisis of faith, and you managed to pass out while standing up. How was that a date?” Max lounges on Teagan’s small mattress, naked apart from a blanket draped around his waist. He wishes they could stay in bed for just a little longer so he can have Teagan’s long warm naked body wrapped around him, but the mission is the mission (and an excellent payout has been promised). “Dates are meant to be romantic.”

“It was a life changing experience that we shared together, Max,” Teagan pouts, hauling the fabric over his narrow hips. “What’s more romantic than that?”

“Literally anything, Teagan.”

Teagan smiles and bends down to kiss Max, slow as to steal Max’s words from him. “It was a thing we spent together after we _got_ together. It was abso-surely a date, Max.”

Max has to resist the urge to drag Teagan back into bed. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Your idiot,” Teagan croons, a smile like the rising sun on his face.

Max chases Teagan’s mouth for another kiss. After they part, he murmurs, “That you are.”

…

Gorgon is…a sight to behold. When Minnie Ambrose called it a gem, she wasn’t kidding. The asteroid glows pink with an atmospheric dome, protecting it from the elements. The lights under it glow with just enough promise to draw the wandering eye. Flanked by stars, it almost beckons you to it. Max stares at it for a moment, the pink glow almost etched onto his eyelids, and wonders, just for a moment, if it looks that beautiful just so it can lure people to their deaths. The asteroid isn't alive, of course, but it is still a thought. This entire scenario feels too good to be true. It has to be a trap. There is no way they are this lucky.

The crew gather in the captain's quarters to peer out the window. It might not be the communal space, but it is the one with the best window. Parvati and Felix ooh and ahh at it, but Nyoka looks hesitant. No small wonder. She knows bright colour doesn't always mean safe.

“Why do these asteroids got such weird names?” Felix asks as they look at the planet’s surface.

"The Board Shareholders named them," Ellie snipes. "That's why."

“Well, sure, but the hell is a gorgon?” Felix presses.

“A monster.”

Every eye snaps to Teagan, who looks solemn for just a moment. “Come again?” Nyoka asks. “You know about this sort of nonsense captain, captain?”

“Anakin used to tell stories about it,” Teagan’s voice is hushed and proud in the way it always is when he talks about his sister. “Old earth stories, long before corporations came about. Same stories that named Scylla. And Charybdis. And Hephaestus, actually.”

Max’s eyebrows raise. “You know ancient earth stories?”

“I just remember the ones Annie told me,” Teagan smiles a little. "I ain't smart but I remember things she says real good."

“What _is_ a gorgon?” Parvati finally asks.

“If you looked at them, you turned to stone,” Teagan murmurs. “Annie said the name meant ‘dreadful’.”

The crew are silent as they stare down at the asteroid. The bright colours and lights still beckon, but the empty stone below feels a little more deadly than it before. When Max comes back to himself, he notes his hand resting on his hip where his gun is normally holstered. For now, it bunches briefly in the fabric of his undershirt before slowly relaxing. While he is not so much of a coward to need a hand to hold, he does look towards Teagan for reassurance. The man stares down at the asteroid, a familiar expression of eagerness on his face.

It may not be easy, but there will be _plenty_ of questions to answer.

“Well, ADA, let’s get onto that there landing pad,” Teagan squares his shoulders and smiles. “And someone take notes. Maybe we _can_ make a serial out of his later. Profits go to rebuilding the colony.”

Felix calls out an actor recommendation. Parvati too. Ellie shouts that it better not be that director Teagan tried to work with in Byzantium because he’s a hack, and soon the whole crew is warming up to the idea of setting foot on one of the most remote, dangerous places in Halcyon. As they prepare, Teagan catches Max's arm and draws him in for a kiss. "Your eyebrows are doing that thing, Maximillian," Teagan says with a drawl, warm like honey seeping into his bones. "What's rattlin' through your head?"

Max allows himself, for just a moment, to lean on his captain, closing his eyes. "We have done many strange things together, Teagan."

"That we have," Teagan smiles.

"But this feels...different."

"How bad can it be?"

"Don't say that!" Max swipes at Teagan's ass, and the captain yelps, a grin on his face. Max smiles too, but there is still unease in his heart. Max double checks the pistol Teagan gave him, making sure it’s in prime condition. He gets a very, very good feeling that he will need it.

…

“I could help resolve the dispute.”

Max’s head whips around to stare at his lover, eyebrows raised. Did he hear that correctly? No, it must be the smell of old socks getting to him, warping his senses…nope. That’s Teagan. Offering to mediate a salvage dispute within five minutes of walking through the bar’s door.

Felix snickers, finding a pole to lean against, although Max does notice him grabbing a bottle and holding it tightly. Honestly, Max might prepare the same. The affairs that Teagan meddles in don’t always go according to plan. He sits on the edge of a table, hands at his sides, one hand resting loosely over the pistol. Teagan, meanwhile, stands attentive. Something about Teagan makes ordinary folk talk. It reminds Max of the confidence folk show in his own vicar’s vestments, which is why Max still wears them despite his crisis of faith. Teagan listens and nods where he's supposed to, and after the testimony, he calls, "Max! You're smart, c'mere."

Rolling his eyes with a fond smile, Max pushes off the table and moves to stand beside his lover. "Yes?"

"You heard?"

"Every word." Max turns to the male salvager first. "How did you claim the salvage?"

"I stood on top and yelled FINDERS KEEPERS."

Teagan nods like that is a perfectly sensible option. Max turns to look back at the bartender, Lex. "Is that legal?"

"I dunno about legal, but it's legit, according to Sublight. Now the only problem is that we don't know who else heard it."

The man jumps in, "Someone must have, but they're just being a coward."

Max resists a sigh and turns to the woman. "And how did you claim it?"

"I drew an X in the dirt with my toe."

Teagan nods like _this_ is sensible. Max wonders, yet again, why he is attracted to this man. But both salvagers are glaring at each other and finally, Max tells his Captain, "Their claims both sound, as stupid as they are, valid. There's no right or wrong. Just...pick one of them."

The bartender agrees and Teagan's expression shifts to one of agony. No small wonder - Teagan doesn't like making people unhappy. He ponders and ponders until his eyes light up. Max knows that look. It's either a brilliant idea or the most open demonstration of stupidity Teagan will ever do. The man steeples his fingers in front of his mouth and tips them forward.

"Cut it in two."

...Max has the sudden urge to drag Teagan into a back room closet and bend him over the nearest piece of furniture. _Cut it in two._ Like sharing would fix this.

The two salvagers explode in rage and the bartender pleads for Teagan to consider. Teagan...does not.

Somehow, he still ends up with a healthy stack of bits, a free drink, and directions to Lucky Montoya's room.

"Real shame, boss," Felix sighs. "I was hoping for a fight. Got a bottle and everything."

Max sighs. "Cut it in two. You really thought they would share."

"Why not?" Teagan trudges up the stairs towards the third floor room. "Worked for King Solomon."

...Max chalks that up to one of Anakin's stories and follows, Felix hot on his heels. All things considered, this is the cleanest den of iniquity Max has ever set foot in. The bouncer wasn't kidding. The room swings open, although the bed is unoccupied, and they set to their usual path of examining everything not nailed down. Max finds the note referring to a key in the safe, hands Teagan the combination, and watches as his lover opens safe with ease. The locks here are sturdy, a different kind of sturdy than any other facility they’ve set foot on in Halcyon. “Was this the one place that Spacer’s Choice knew what they were doing?” Felix comments.

“If so, they haven’t repeated the model anywhere else.”

“Maybe because it went wrong here.”

“That defies logic, but that does sound like the Spacer’s Choice way.”

“Uh…guys?”

Felix and Max stop talking as Teagan’s voice goes…worried. They kneel down with Teagan and peer into the safe. There are a few collectables in there – there’s a grenade launcher that Felix immediately starts making eyes at – but Max is more concerned at the item now resting in the palm of Teagan’s gloved hand.

Because it’s an eye. A preserved eyeball, milky like old glass, with a pale blue iris. Teagan’s grey eyes are wide and worried, staring at Max.

“I never thought I would say this, but that eyeball might be the key that Lucky was talking about,” Max comments.

“How. The fuck. Is an eye. A key.” Teagan doesn’t ask. He says it, unable to fathom how an eye could open a door, dread in his voice. "They're going around making eye-shaped locks now?"

_Gorgon just gets worse and worse._

"We'll find out."


End file.
